Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
