Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
