Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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