I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
