Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
