he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
