i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
