Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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