ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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