Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize