i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont even know how to be here
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
