you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
