just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't notice because vodka
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
