Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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