Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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