Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
