"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
