I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize