I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
