this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
