dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
