I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im holly from the hills drunk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
