they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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