dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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