It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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