I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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