Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
