No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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