Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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