Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
