You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
