just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
