i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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