I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
