No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
