We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
