Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In other news, I just burned my penis
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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