i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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