let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Rumble strips road head = magical
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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