So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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