please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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