so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if only i could text you this smell
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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