I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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