She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
