Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
