Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
