you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
