There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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