I accidentally burped into my bong.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
a search helicopter?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
