I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
