I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
