She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
