There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
