Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
