Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We need to get me chipped asap
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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