he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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