I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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