Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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