They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
