Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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