I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
