In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
