i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
