do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
