peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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