his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
