awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
