Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we're so committed to being not committed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
